Bedtime Stories with the Inventor of Donkey Sauce

Guy Fieri tucks
us in at night,
pours us a glass
of warm Mountain
Dew, and regales
us with a list
of another chef’s
secret ingredients.

The ground chipotle
pepper, hidden in
the scrumptious belly
of this 100% all
beef patty? It’s all
killer, man! And the
way it marries itself
to the subtle hint
of lime you snuck
in there? Priceless.

I wish I loved
something, any
thing, like Guy
loves his wife
and touring the
best Diners,
Drive-Ins, and
Dives our
Great Nation
has to offer—

but I don’t.
And he won’t
ever let me
forget it.